What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
