ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
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I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off