My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.