hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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