normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
