I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.