I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The struggles of a small town man whore
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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