I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
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Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me