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If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
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