Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
