I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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