just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
