Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
handjob tips. give me some.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
