And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
