Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
