My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
