I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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