I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
