so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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