and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
honey bunches of taint.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
