I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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