I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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