it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
