Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
