why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
