The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
