Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
