I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
