Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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