tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
