You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
