After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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