This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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