TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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