i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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