the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
