If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
