I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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