His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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