She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
