I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
