We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
