the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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