I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
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What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
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He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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