Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
