Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
