Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
