K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
