I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
