Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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