i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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