I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
