You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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