it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
