Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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