cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
