I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
