My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
