When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
