I got chris browned last night
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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