If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
