I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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