Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize