If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
