I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
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