Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
