shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
