Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it was like eating out sand paper
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
