Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.