so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here