the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
