i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
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Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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