I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
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