It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
