I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
