I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize