I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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