Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize
