theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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