i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
