did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
