You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
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Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
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I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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