why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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